Not every relationship is destined to last forever. The fact you are sharing an apartment with your partner already also doesn’t guarantee your relationship will be long-lasting. If you find yourself in a situation where you have to break up with someone you live with is inevitable, how do you handle it? No break up is easy no matter what people say. However, breaking up with someone you already share living space with raises the notch a bit higher.
This is because so many aspects of your lives are already interwoven, depending on how long you have both been together. Untangling things after the break up may seem daunting and thoughts of that alone can put you off the idea of breaking up with your partner even when the relationship is clearly not healthy anymore. However, do not fret. If you are convinced a break up is the way to go, below is a guide on How To Break Up With Someone You Live With.
Plans to Make When You Want To Break Up With Someone You Leave With
Before you consider breaking up with someone you leave with, there are some plans you have to make. This is because most times, the transition of breaking up and moving on from someone you already live in with can be difficult. It tend to be easier when you leave apart from your partner. What plans do you have to make then before you breakup with someone you live with?
a. Plan for Accommodation:
One of the important plans you have to make before you consider the breakup is your accommodation. You share the house with your spouse, so it obvious that one person has to leave after the break. Since you are the one initiating the breakup, it is logical that it is you that will leave the house. So before you even consider letting your partner in on your intention to quit the relationship, ensure you sort out your accommodation issue. Go out there and find a new apartment that you can easily pack into after the breakup. Another option is to stay temporarily with a friend until you find a place.
b. Plan for the Kids If Any:
Do you have any kid(s) with your partner or spouse? You have to make plans for the kid’s welfare before you conclude your plans to breakup.This is because your plans will definitely affect your kids.
c. Evaluate Your Finances:
It is possible that up till now, you must have shared your finances and bills with your partner. You need to consider your financial status. Take note of your assets, liabilities and debt. It will go a long way to help you when you finally get to live alone.
How To Break Up With Someone You Live With
Be Absolutely Sure You Want To End it
Many people shudder at the thought of a break up. It marks the end of a phase and the beginning of another. Utter a few words and it’s all over. A break up is not something to be joked with as it can have a real impact on one’s life. Breaking up with your partner over a blazing row or an act of indiscretion is never a good idea. Don’t call things off on the spur of the moment over minor dispute. Breaking up with someone you live with can be life changing, so you have to prepare for it both emotionally and financially. So before taking that step, be convinced it’s really what you want and there’s no going back once you take the first step.
Have A Plan
As pointed out above, there will be life changing consequences following your breakup. So it is best to have a long term plan before breaking up. Once you are certain you want to chart that course, a concrete plan is your best armory to cope with the barrage of whatever is thrown at you immediately after the breakup. Do you expect to retain the shared apartment or move out to a new place? If you are moving out, will it be immediate? If not immediately, how do you both cohabit peacefully till you go your separate ways? If you are moving out immediately, where do you move your things? Are your finances in order? Can you support yourself financially? These are some of the questions you need to provide answers to before proceeding with the break up.
Otherwise, you might end up ruing that decision. On the other hand, if you are asking your partner to leave, they may be unprepared and have no where to go immediately. So accept there will be reluctance to go and a lot of hostilities. Be prepared for such as well. Once your plan is solid, time to break up with them.
Have series of Conversations with them
A breakup is usually painful but sometimes unavoidable. The best way to break up with someone is to hold a responsive discussion with them. In this case of partners living together, this type of conversation is best held outside of the shared space. Invite them out to a public place and let them know you are breaking up with them. Don’t be too hard on them by telling them how terrible a partner they are. Instead, be respectful and show empathy. Stand your ground if they try to persuade you to reconsider. Allow them process the information you just shared for a day or two before calling for a logistics conversation.
This allows you both to discuss the expected changes now that you are no longer a couple. Let them know if you need them to move out and how soon. If you are moving out and when, say this too. If you both will stay together for a while post-breakup, discuss how this will play out. If there are kids involved, who gets them? If it’s impossible to reach a consensus on who gets to keep the kids, third party mediators such as family members or friends may be invited to help sort this out. This logistics conversation will eliminate possible confrontations later and allow you both go your separate ways peacefully and as painless as possible.
Respect your new ideas of space
Unless you decided you will be moving out and have already secured a new place to stay, it is inevitable that you both will spend some time cohabiting despite no longer being in a romantic relationship. During this period, you both must fashion out how to live together peacefully. You are both roommates, nothing more. So it is important to address things such as who will be sleeping where and how chores will be handled.
Avoid keeping up with relationship habits and routines as this is unhealthy for both of you. Discuss specific days of the week that you or your partner can have friends over, so the other person can plan to be out. All these changes can be awkward and difficult to accept at first but with time you will get used to them until you both separate finally.
Set New Boundaries and respect them
On some days, you will feel it’s just easier to get back with them. This is natural but don’t entertain the thought. Try as much as possible to respect each others privacy and avoid falling back into couple’s routine. Things such as texting them during the day to know when they will be home, asking if they will be home for dinner, or when they will do their laundry should be avoided. They are no longer your concern. All the things you both did and shared as a couple have ended, asides from paying bills which you both have to split now. Also, hold off dating till you have parted ways. Dating someone else while you and your ex still share living space can be draining both emotionally and logistically. The added stress is not worth it honestly. Get yourself together first before going into another relationship.
Split Joint Assets and Liabilities Equally
Things are weird already as it is, arguing over who owns what will only make it worse. When splitting up with someone you live with, all jointly owned assets and liabilities must be shared equally. Things you owned before moving in together or bought for yourself remain yours. Gifts you bought for your ex remain theirs likewise, gifts they bought for you are yours. Also, debt in your name remain your responsibility regardless of who made the purchase.
Having these at the back of your mind will allow the asset sharing go as smoothly as possible. Draw up a list of items that are important to both of you and note who is taking what. Big items like Cars, TVs and other big stuffs that are jointly owned may be sold and the money shared if it is impossible to agree on who gets to keep them. If there are joint bills and debts to be paid, these should be split equally. You should consider taking some of your prized possessions out for safekeeping in a relative or friend’s house even if you are the one keeping the house. It is likely your house becomes a flurry of activities, with friends colleagues, and even movers making their way in and out of your apartment more than normal and you may not be around often.
When going through a breakup, keeping busy can help you sail through the period smoothly. Spend more time doing things you love and being around people you care about such as friends and family. This takes you out of the shared space as often as possible, and allows to you slowly heal from the hurt. You also get to bond more with friends and loved ones.
Breaking up with someone you care about is never easy to cope with but when staying together becomes a nightmare, it is best to part ways in order for you to keep your sanity.